Late Show's Quar-mantic Valentine's Day Tips
Valentine's Day is coming up but the pandemic is making it dangerous to celebrate with your loved ones. Don't worry, we are here to help you keep the romance alive with A Late Show's "Quar-mantic Valentine's Day Tips!" #Colbert #ValentinesDay #Valentines
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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via CBS All Access, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.

  • Check Mate
    Check Mate

    HS... I Missed It💓. Happy Belated🎉VDay! Evie You 😍.

  • Salanan

    By this logic, I've saved so many first responders lives this pandemic.

  • Scooter Boy
    Scooter Boy

    Strangely unfunny.

  • léa pasco
    léa pasco

    Well some of your US citizen sweethearts are abroad and it's been 1 year since they've been able to see their loved ones... How's that for Valentine's day... I'm growing a mental distress with these travel bans.. how is it we don't have exemptions yet when celebrities or floridians can party maskless...

  • Amber D.
    Amber D.

    I have to say I didn't find this funny and it made me sad.

  • Kevin Wilson
    Kevin Wilson

    Ca I buy crotchless sweat pants or are they a DIY project?

  • Hanna Wagenknecht
    Hanna Wagenknecht

    Total süß

  • Kaizer2001

    Damn, when I see valentines day and chocolate, I am reminded by those legendary sentence uttered by the purveyor of gender equality, Kazuma; "Give me choco."

  • Me

    Wow..what the heck

  • Vane Vargas
    Vane Vargas


  • Sandra Avila
    Sandra Avila

    This made me lol 🤣

  • Mystiqueivy

    django xDD

  • Jesicca Willson
    Jesicca Willson

    Watch : LOVE ME, Please!!! 💕 みゃあこさん!ฅ( ̳• ·̫ • ̳ฅ)ニャン DISEN QUE DIOS ES MA LO SI DIOS ES MALO NADIE ES BUENO ASERE MIL GRASIAS POR TANTA BEYESAS I loro stati di salute rispettivi prevenirli TANTA BEYEZAS QUE DIOS A HECHO EN ESTE MUNDO ASERE Y ライブ配信の再編ありがとうです!この日のライブ配信は、かならりやばかったですね!1万人を超える人が見ていたもんね(笑)やっぱり人参最高!まさかのカメラ切り忘れでやら1かしたのもドキドキでした!今後は気を付けないとね51x1

  • robotron17

    Illinois DOH: *"Even if you died of a CLEAR ALTERNATE CAUSE, it's still listed as a COVID death"* - (Video: "Dr. Ngozi Ezike | How COVID Deaths are Classified")

  • Russ ianFolkTales
    Russ ianFolkTales

    Wat da fok did I just watch?

  • A Google User
    A Google User

    Ugh hello, hello, I didn't see if the guy in the thumb nail used a boat.

  • Angel Ayala
    Angel Ayala

    Say goodbye to the Gop and witness the beginning of the Don. (As in donald)

  • ChuckAudio

    The sweatpants had me crying! That's how all of mine end up anyway!

  • Spencer Amyntosophia!
    Spencer Amyntosophia!

    I wish I had a house plant to call my own :'(

  • Rosa Moreno
    Rosa Moreno

    Hey i did the same with the funny eyes, lol 😘

  • FreddieHg37

    "This one's for you first responders!.." 😩 … 🥴👍

  • McGee Family
    McGee Family for your Senator's contact info. Why can't the USA help its citizens like other countries have! $2000/person/month till the end of the pandemic. PLUS, it needs to be retroactive from March 2020 to pay back rent, bills & mortgages. Come on people call your Senator's & tell them you want/need this help. I'm sure small businesses & restaurants would appreciate some revenue from people spending money on the economy too, right! Pick up your cell phones and let your voices be heard.

  • McGee Family
    McGee Family for your Senator's contact info. Why can't the USA help its citizens like other countries have! $2000/person/month till the end of the pandemic. PLUS, it needs to be retroactive from March 2020 to pay back rent, bills & mortgages. Come on people call your Senator's & tell them you want/need this help. I'm sure small businesses & restaurants would appreciate some revenue from people spending money on the economy too, right! Pick up your cell phones and let your voices be heard.

  • Fauler Perfektionist
    Fauler Perfektionist

    "This one's for _you,_ first responders." 😏 Indeed. They might be in the video.

  • Tatiana Bartlett
    Tatiana Bartlett

    As a first responder, I'm both pleased and somewhat disgusted. Lol thanks for keeping us safe and no thanks for the visual 😂

  • Heaven Sent
    Heaven Sent

    💡OH, AND I KNOW I HAD YOU GOING with that whole MY SON/SUN thing...I HAVE NO SON😁 it's just ALL ME and only me===2021🕎🔯, the final nail in your coffin and end of all your lies⚰🔨🔒 🧻you are forgiven🚽and forgotten.

  • GreenM&M_11

    Django Gold needs to call me. I will gladly treat him to dinner and dessert this weekend 🧁🧁🧁

  • Herowebcomics

    WOW! These are great tips! Especially the erotic sweat pants!

  • Erick L
    Erick L

    I don't even have a plant. :(

    • Nicholas Marshall
      Nicholas Marshall

      You should adopt one.. then your relationship can be even more weird.

  • T C
    T C

    "slap some googly eyes on a plant, but take things slow, he's still getting over his divorce" XD

  • Arcana Octonus
    Arcana Octonus

    The official recommendation from the Michigan dept. of health is distance with a glory hole.

    • Yudith Caron
      Yudith Caron

      It's the same in Canada. Plus we recommend insulated crotchless sweatpants and a winter coat long enough to cover the crotch area.

  • CrispyChestnuts

    Roses are red, Wear PPE Please stay six feet from me.

  • Because Of You Fahri
    Because Of You Fahri

    Love this

  • OneMan FourArms
    OneMan FourArms

    as a first responder... please... no

  • Difriend gui
    Difriend gui

    😂🤣😂🤣🤣 too bad i don't have candles at home and is too cold to buy some amd besides i will be lazy.My plants seem to a being commited to each other!!! 😅😂🤣😂

  • Viva La Rosa
    Viva La Rosa

    To everybody in the forum...Happy Valentines Day.

  • Anonymous Person
    Anonymous Person

    It's MGTOW day.

  • Laurie Legrand
    Laurie Legrand

    But she's only just met this plant!

  • Dee Proff
    Dee Proff


  • Boy Aditya
    Boy Aditya

    "..this one for you, first responders!!.." 👍👍

  • Adam Henley
    Adam Henley

    There is no way that’s 6ft in the thumbnail - looks more like 10 at least

  • Future Commentary
    Future Commentary

    Hmm, how is this different than any normal non pandemic Valentine's Day?

  • Napoléon I Bonaparte
    Napoléon I Bonaparte

    Was the guy in the sweatpants wearing a jock strap?

  • Angela Hamlett
    Angela Hamlett

    I'm so happy to be single this year with my beautiful twin bed. Nothing worse than sleeping in a King size bed alone. Especially if someone is next to you.

  • horatio kim
    horatio kim

    Valentine's Day Tips: Plan, Plan, Plan! 😊

  • Lyndsay Brown
    Lyndsay Brown

    That cat was getting such good cuddles and then they stopped. Rude.

  • Agnes Galvez,MS, RDN, LDN
    Agnes Galvez,MS, RDN, LDN


  • h7opolo

    happy belittling, corporate holiday❣

  • JessiSZK
    JessiSZK life definitely hasn’t changed since covid started. Haha except now having to wear a panic inducing mask...bdsm was never my thing. Haha

  • Tiffany Mankins
    Tiffany Mankins

    The person having dinner with their plant is me during this pandemic.

  • Kit Hargrave
    Kit Hargrave

    Good to know someone paid that ransom.

  • Ro G
    Ro G

    I am the 69th comment. Just thought I'd give as much as I receive. Bye now! 😝😜

  • Shie H.
    Shie H.


  • EyesOn HerHorizon
    EyesOn HerHorizon

    It even has the generic ukulele and glockenspiel background music. XD

  • Bailey Brian
    Bailey Brian

    All my house plants died :( alone again on valentines

    • Yudith Caron
      Yudith Caron

      Buy a plastic one for Valentine's Day. Or a blow-up doll. Or both!

  • k31than

    @1:07 Geezuz cries. That caught me way off guard! LMAO

  • TheSilentAngel

    Is Evie doing the narration??

  • Nobody Knows
    Nobody Knows

    uhhhhhh what did I just watch?

  • Dr. Mantis Toboggan
    Dr. Mantis Toboggan

    Roses are red And so is your heart But how do we kiss When we're six feet apart?

  • TriXie Kat
    TriXie Kat

    She took, an itty bitty, I'm not going to ever eat pizza bite..

    • Nobody Knows
      Nobody Knows

      you were looking at her mouth? 😲

  • mooncakegamer

    Clearly ya didn’t here about baseball dates- go to the park 6ft apart and play catch with each other. It’s great for those who have daddy issues, I’m looking at you Chad.

  • Kathryn Crow
    Kathryn Crow

    Thank you ! I’m Smiling...

  • Sam

    So... the people in the thumbnail are 4 feet tall then?

  • Don'tSpikeMyDrink

    Eh, wasn't the plant recently divorced, why is the plant back into the dating scene AND asking for marriage so quickly. I suspect this video is not meant to be taken seriously at all.

    • IO Tewks
      IO Tewks

      really soiled my immersion too

    • Don'tSpikeMyDrink

      @Sam Glad we are on the same wave

    • Sam

      @Don'tSpikeMyDrink I understood your joke. I was making my own by accepting your premise.

    • Don'tSpikeMyDrink

      @Sam ... woosh?

    • Sam

      Someone who rushes into marriage is quite likely to also be a divorcee. That's the most realistic. However, maybe a long engagement should be considered.

  • The Messenger
    The Messenger

    This is the most important post you will ever read. Every one of us has sinned against God. We’ve lied, we’ve stolen, we’ve sinned sexually, and we’ve taken His name in vain; which makes us liars, thieves, fornicators and blasphemers.. Yet this is only four of our many transgressions. The problem is, we can never ‘outweigh’ our sin with good deeds because God is perfect in Holiness, meaning his standard is beyond our reach. He is also perfect in Justice, meaning, he will bring EVERY sin to light. The punishment for our sin is death, and Hell; a place of Eternal Fire, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. Fortunately God is also perfect in Love, so 2000 years ago, Jesus Christ left his throne in heaven and came to this earth. While here, he lived a perfectly righteous life, only to take the punishment that We deserved; Our sinless creator became Our sin, and endured a gruesome death on a cross for our sake. Right before he died, he said ‘it is finished’.. meaning, the debt for our sins has been paid in full. And on the third day, he defeated death and rose from the grave. So now, we can go free from the wrath of God’s judgement not by earning it, but rather, as a free gift of grace.. Except gifts can either be accepted or rejected. So this is what you must do in response; Humbly admit to God that you have sinned against him, and through gratitude in the sacrifice of his son, repent (turn away) from your old way of life. Then, confess with your mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord, your savior, and the ruler of your life from this moment forward (Romans 10:9). Do these things, and you will be saved. If you do so sincerely, God will grant you a new heart which no longer finds comfort in sin, and instead desires to obey his word. He will also grant you Eternal life in his presence; The greatest pleasure on earth doesn’t even come close to what God is preparing for believers in the afterlife. You’ve been informed; Now the choice is yours. What you do with this information will determine where you spend ETERNITY, meaning, this is the single most critical decision you will EVER make; And all of us here, whether believer or atheist, know deep down that every last word here is true. Jesus Christ awaits YOU this very moment. Don’t even think about sleeping tonight until you surrender your life to him, because your tomorrow isn’t guaranteed.. And as it is written (Hebrews 9 : 27) ; ‘It is appointed unto man ONCE to die, but after this, THE JUDGMENT’. All glory, honor and praise to Lord Jesus Christ.

    • Atanalo

      Don't spam

    • Tris Blackshaw
      Tris Blackshaw

      Chocolate is my lord and saviour.

    • robert adams
      robert adams

      @Dr. Mantis Toboggan" you had me at everyone of us has sinned"

    • Dr. Mantis Toboggan
      Dr. Mantis Toboggan

      Praise Satan!

  • Warldpeace

    Just the Tip

  • Denis Duguay
    Denis Duguay

    Ok, I really didn't expect those sweatpants! ROFL!!!

    • Denis Duguay
      Denis Duguay

      @El Ram Fine by me!

    • El Ram
      El Ram

      It wouldn't surprise me if they someday become the next revealing version of Yoga Pants. 😳

  • Laurie Elliott
    Laurie Elliott

    Lol 😅

  • Matthew Clarke
    Matthew Clarke

    0:16 So they are each like 3ft tall?!

  • Make Racists Afraid Again
    Make Racists Afraid Again

    I'm all about those sweatpants.

  • gayle curry
    gayle curry

    every time I break out the crotchless sweat pants I get arrested

    • Nobody Knows
      Nobody Knows

      Are you putting them on backwards?!?!? 🤔

  • ThE DuCk
    ThE DuCk

    The Butterfly Effect ​👇🏻 Someone up North donates their crotchless sweat pants to a clothing drive and some homeless man down in Florida is seen rocking the look 🤪

  • New Message
    New Message

    What if your erotic crotchless sweatpants ARE you regular old sweatpants?

  • Dan Muggeo
    Dan Muggeo

    1:48 "This ones for you first responders" 🤣

  • julio santos
    julio santos

    You had me at googly eyes

  • mary jones
    mary jones

    yowza! great job, ty lssc fam!!

  • А4

    I from Vetshzerny Urgant

  • А4


  • Mark Dowse
    Mark Dowse

    I have never 'done' valentine's day... It's all rather amusing and silly, I reckon.

  • Tahtahme's Diary
    Tahtahme's Diary

    If you been in the house with your spouse, try spending the day APART instead. Then debut the crotchless sweats on the 15th 😘

    • RainyDayLady


  • Kidlike101

    Feb 14 2019 = Spent in the hospital thanks to a kidney stone. Feb 14 2020 = Spent in the hospital recovering from surgery. Feb 13 2021 = I have learned to be wary...

    • Kidlike101

      Still here! My brother got Covid though and was discharged on the 13th. The rest of us all got our tests results today (negative) so thankfully we survived another V-day... somehow.

    • paula tamara mohamad
      paula tamara mohamad

      Please update us

    • icecreamheadache

      I sure hope Cupid doesn't have your appendix in his crosshairs.

    • Sam Wilson
      Sam Wilson

      I'm commenting so I can be notified after the weekend if you've kept this "tradition" alive.

    • Kidlike101

      @ErykaSoleil Thank you, it started off with a scare since my little brother got Covid only last week. Due to his asthma he needed to be hospitalized but he'd better now thank god. Got him cake to celebrate but he still can't taste anything. 😅

  • abcsd1254

    Thanks to Our Cartoon President, i just hear this as Hillary Clinton doing the voiceover.

  • Lorna Ginette Harrison
    Lorna Ginette Harrison

    'Above all, remember: on *THIS* Valentine’s Day, there are _many_ ways to be a hero. Staying home alone to watch porn can save lives.' "This one’s for *YOU,* first responders!" As an emergency room nurse, I commend/appreciate this message! "Cheers!", responsible lonesome porn addicts! Just try & refrain from getting sexually intimate with household objects or appliances, necessitating a trip to A&E!

    • revesmouvants

      @Niecie this happens so much!!!😆

    • revesmouvants

      srsly!! i know a nurse who had to extract a cucumber because someone “fell in the garden”; the cucumber was PEELED. stick to ACTUAL sex toys, people!😂

    • Niecie

      Ah yes, can't have any more patients "falling" on inatimate objects 😉

    • Max Power
      Max Power

      @Lorna Ginette Harrison Let me know how it goes... ;-D

    • Berkeley Pickell
      Berkeley Pickell

      Not all heroes wear capes.

  • IAmAZygote

    How did the Colbert Team know that I just washed my sheets!

    • Jack Proper
      Jack Proper

      They "accidentally" saw it during their drone date

  • Rebar77

    New Duralex bedsheet sized pleasure planes. (snorkel gear required)

  • Space Force Commander, General ‘Stabled Genius' :
    Space Force Commander, General ‘Stabled Genius' :

    There might be a new market for Edible Sweatpants.

    • Druidic Troy
      Druidic Troy


    • Yudith Caron
      Yudith Caron

      Or the diet version, Edible Crotch Sweatpants.

    • alison moore
      alison moore


  • JayVBear45

    A little overly heterofascist there STEPHEN! 😈😈🌈🌈😈😈

  • Barbra Dale Solomon
    Barbra Dale Solomon

    I.......LOVE........ YOU !!!!!!!! Whoever you are🎁❤️🤎🛒💙🤍🧡💛

  • H.H. Knight Reviews
    H.H. Knight Reviews

    Come to think of it, it has been months since I've washed my sheets. LOL

  • Azarah Wagner
    Azarah Wagner

    Thank you for trying... Yup still a 55 year old disabled , intersexed , transgender woman with CPTSD

  • Venus Aurore
    Venus Aurore


  • The Magnificent Whiskerbiscuit
    The Magnificent Whiskerbiscuit

    If you love her enough, stay six feet away and then throw the flowers and candy at her! If she loves you, she will understand!😄

    • Pat Doyle
      Pat Doyle

      @Nobody Knows That was good!

    • MIDWID

      Ok yeah there's that

    • Nobody Knows
      Nobody Knows

      @MIDWID if she can throw a keg of beer I don't know if I want her kind of lovin', but I get what you mean.

    • MIDWID

      If she loves you she'll throw you a keg of beer and a thick ribeye 😏

    • Nobody Knows
      Nobody Knows

      maybe she'll blow you a kiss in return, just don't inhale.

  • Igor Schmidlapp
    Igor Schmidlapp

    Let me guess... Another Django Gold "masterpiece"? It has his stench of failure all over it.

  • Anthony Phung
    Anthony Phung

    The parallel competition coincidentally twist because curler elderly admit across a aspiring ferryboat. flashy, striped turnip

    • 05Matz

      @mary jones I've seen these elsewhere in the past few days. I think these are AI-generated comments on trending videos intended to make spambot accounts "look human" before they do something more suspicious somewhere else. I just mark them as spam and move on.

    • mary jones
      mary jones


  • hope %
    hope %

    Hahahaha that's better no gift more.

  • Francisco Cardenas
    Francisco Cardenas

    😄 👍

  • Eve

    😂😂😂 loved it happy Vday!!!😘

  • Marta Villanueva
    Marta Villanueva

    First responders have to be pissed 😡..stuck at hospital due to he negligence of common sense maintaining quarantine, mask, social distancing, ect

  • Opus 313
    Opus 313

    Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

    • Ahmad Behzad
      Ahmad Behzad

      Is useful I wish we have three valentines day every year

    • Igor Schmidlapp
      Igor Schmidlapp

      Yeah... Happy V. D. Penicillin can shots can be had at the free clinic...

  • Derek Ho 2013's
    Derek Ho 2013's

    Stephen Colbert valentines quarters